Category

sexual therapy

How Our Sexual Needs Vary

As humans, we have many different needs. We have the survival instinct to stay nourished, we have the social and emotional capacity to forge relationships, we have an urge toward maintaining healthy hygiene, and, we have the compulsion to keep the species alive and thereby reproduce. Disbarring all of the above, we also have the drive to meet our sexual needs. But, try as we might to provide an umbrella definition to what those needs are, the truth always settles somewhere around each individual has their own set of needs. What I’m trying to say is that we all have different needs which are never static and do evolve over time.

What are sexual needs?

What arouses and dampens sexual desire can come from outside factors as much as it can from within. We are all made biologically different (even though we all kind of have the same parts more or less), and so what attracts one might turn another off and vice versa. Learning to tune into your own body and the sensations you feel, will allow you to better understand what stimulates you. Once you can identify what makes you feel good (and not so good), then you can start to construct your own little body map, let’s call it, of what your needs are, where you like to be touched, the frequency of your needs, the duration that feels right, and so on.

Feeding the need

Your needs fluctuate and change over time. Depending on your age, you might feel more feisty more often or you might feel slightly less interested anywhere from sometimes to never. The frequency of your desire might also be dependent on whether or not you are in a relationship, and of course, the state of that relationship. Men and women (and their respective hormones) also play a role in how our libidos ebb and flow. The key takeaway about knowing your needs is taking a minute to reflect on whether your desires and your wantingness to meet them are aligned.

Communication is key

We have a profoundly sexualized culture. What that means is that sex is all around us, it’s in how we dress, it’s on TV and social media, it’s in our language, it’s everywhere. It’s hard to ignore. But, that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. What this paves the way for is a more open society, people who are more readily interested in discussing topics that were once considered private or taboo. Being able to talk about your needs and desires with your partner has become a lot more common, comfortable, and almost expected. So get to it!

What else?

When it comes to matters of sex, it’s important to explore what you like and what you dislike. It’s also important to learn what works for you, in both the appeal department as well as the anatomical realm. If you have the desire to engage in sexual intimacy with your partner, but your physiology is stopping you from meeting those needs, don’t fret… we are a phone call away. With treatments for erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation to vaginal dryness and laxity, Elna Sexual Wellness has got your covered. Any questions?

Lori.

Menopause and the Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder

How do you want to spend those long nights in bed: watching endless Netflix or ruffling the sheets? For a lot of women, the biggest hill to climb when it comes to hitting middle age is menopause. While for some, the word menopause has negative connotations—aging, brittle bones, loss of sexual desire—the truth of matter is that menopause can actually be a good thing, especially when it comes to sex!

As you go through menopause, you’ll notice a few things—hot flashes and night sweats aside—namely, your libido will slowly wean. This is due to decreased hormone levels. The transition will leave you feeling at a loss in your partnership, mainly because your desire to engage in sexual activity is no longer what it used to be. This might cause friction in your relationship because it’ll might make you feel unfulfilled in the intimacy department.

The physical effects of falling estrogen levels undermines sexual motivation for many reasons, but one main, and painful reason, is vaginal dryness. Although the lack of lubrication is not directly related to menopause, the age-related decrease in testosterone can have an impact on a woman’s desire to get physical because the idea of potential pain is what lingers in her future. If it doesn’t feel good, then you’ll obviously opt to abstain.

That’s when a quick O-Shot therapy or diVa Laser Vaginal Renewal treatment is well worth the investment: sex in your post-menopause can be more fun than you imagined! (think: no more worries about getting pregnant, no more kids at home interrupting the fun, and you’re finally primed and know exactly what you like!)

Proper hormone management can set things straight and get you right back into the game. No more menses to make a mess of things… you’re a treatment away from remembering how great sex can be without that painful sensation of chaffing skin rubbing you to a jolting halt. Whether it’s lubricants or a non-invasive procedure, Elna Sexual Wellness can help walk you through your options and open up a whole new world of post-menopausal sex!

Call or email today for more information.

 

Lori.

What is Sex Therapy Anyway?

Sex therapy has been around for decades, helping women, men, and couples learn how to navigate the huge topic of sex and sexual wellness. I’ve come to understand that most people have limited knowledge about sex therapy and most of what they’ve gathered comes from movies or social media. Unlike the quasi-sex therapist from Meet the Fockers (think Barbara Streisand), sex therapy is not about touching, nudity, and tips and tricks to spice up your sex life. Sex therapy is a legitimate form of psychotherapy whereby the patient(s) seek the help of a health professional to overcome sexual problems or improve sexual feelings and resolve any intimacy issues they may have.

There are a number of reasons why one would seek the counselling of a sex therapist, and in my field, more often than not, I recommend counselling (specifically with a sex therapist) to my patients – here’s why:

As humans, we have multiple systems working in tandem at all times. To treat one aspect or one (dys)function in an isolated manner would be to disregard the human as a whole person. Sounds simple, but the interdisciplinary approach to medicine is a wave that hasn’t fully caught on worldwide, although, it is my belief that the wave is coming and it will be tidal.

We are holistic beings and I treat my patients as such. That means that if a man should come in suffering from erectile dysfunction, I might treat with Shockwave Therapy, Testosterone Replacement Therapy or the experimental P-Shot, but I will almost certainly recommend counselling as well. Whether the premature ejaculation stems from a physical issue or has a psychological origin, physical inevitably seeps into the psychological and the other way around. It’s the basic nature of a mind / body connection; it’s how each pone of us functions on a very fundamental level.

Sex therapy is a great treatment option for those suffering from a plethora of sex concerns, such as:

  • Concerns about sexual desire
  • Erectile dysfunction
  • Ejaculating early (premature ejaculation)
  • Difficulty with sexual arousal
  • Body image
  • Anxiety
  • Menopause
  • Trouble reaching orgasm (anorgasmia)
  • Painful intercourse (dyspareunia)
  • Intimacy issues related to a disability or chronic condition
  • Conflicts with partners about sexual needs, desires, frequency or specific sexual activities

Not limited to the list above, sex therapy is also a forum for people to talk openly and confidentially about any concerns or questions they may have about sex, their sexual lifestyle, and overall sexual wellbeing. You might not have an identifiable physical issue, but might still be interested in sex therapy, because here’s another thing – sex is a part of our lives and it is important that we understand what it means to us and why. There is a strong interaction between thoughts, feelings, social/cultural factors, behaviours, and biological components. By unpacking each one of these five points, a sex therapist will help you identify your values, your beliefs, and your ideas of what sex is as opposed to what you might have previously though sex should be. That is the first step toward a healthier sexual wellness.

There are many benefits to sex therapy. A few notable goals include:

  • Achieving a healthy sexual life
  • Reducing anxiety associated with sexual activity
  • Learning new skills and healthier ways of approaching sex
  • Feeling in control of one’s sexuality and regaining confidence
  • Learning concrete strategies for managing uncomfortable thoughts, emotions, and harmful behaviours that are impacting sex
  • Minimizing pain during intercourse

By understanding and dismantling old attitudes and habits that get in the way of enjoyable sex, sex therapy will help you establish new beliefs that reflect your values so that you can increase sexual arousal, feel less anxious and more comfortable about sex, and ultimately help lead a better, healthier, sexual life. If you aren’t sure sex therapy is for you, call or email to learn more. Put it to you this way, the first step is easy, all you have to do is start talking.

Dr. Steinberg