Category

sexual pleasure

How Our Sexual Needs Vary

As humans, we have many different needs. We have the survival instinct to stay nourished, we have the social and emotional capacity to forge relationships, we have an urge toward maintaining healthy hygiene, and, we have the compulsion to keep the species alive and thereby reproduce. Disbarring all of the above, we also have the drive to meet our sexual needs. But, try as we might to provide an umbrella definition to what those needs are, the truth always settles somewhere around each individual has their own set of needs. What I’m trying to say is that we all have different needs which are never static and do evolve over time.

What are sexual needs?

What arouses and dampens sexual desire can come from outside factors as much as it can from within. We are all made biologically different (even though we all kind of have the same parts more or less), and so what attracts one might turn another off and vice versa. Learning to tune into your own body and the sensations you feel, will allow you to better understand what stimulates you. Once you can identify what makes you feel good (and not so good), then you can start to construct your own little body map, let’s call it, of what your needs are, where you like to be touched, the frequency of your needs, the duration that feels right, and so on.

Feeding the need

Your needs fluctuate and change over time. Depending on your age, you might feel more feisty more often or you might feel slightly less interested anywhere from sometimes to never. The frequency of your desire might also be dependent on whether or not you are in a relationship, and of course, the state of that relationship. Men and women (and their respective hormones) also play a role in how our libidos ebb and flow. The key takeaway about knowing your needs is taking a minute to reflect on whether your desires and your wantingness to meet them are aligned.

Communication is key

We have a profoundly sexualized culture. What that means is that sex is all around us, it’s in how we dress, it’s on TV and social media, it’s in our language, it’s everywhere. It’s hard to ignore. But, that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. What this paves the way for is a more open society, people who are more readily interested in discussing topics that were once considered private or taboo. Being able to talk about your needs and desires with your partner has become a lot more common, comfortable, and almost expected. So get to it!

What else?

When it comes to matters of sex, it’s important to explore what you like and what you dislike. It’s also important to learn what works for you, in both the appeal department as well as the anatomical realm. If you have the desire to engage in sexual intimacy with your partner, but your physiology is stopping you from meeting those needs, don’t fret… we are a phone call away. With treatments for erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation to vaginal dryness and laxity, Elna Sexual Wellness has got your covered. Any questions?

Lori.

Menopause and the Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder

How do you want to spend those long nights in bed: watching endless Netflix or ruffling the sheets? For a lot of women, the biggest hill to climb when it comes to hitting middle age is menopause. While for some, the word menopause has negative connotations—aging, brittle bones, loss of sexual desire—the truth of matter is that menopause can actually be a good thing, especially when it comes to sex!

As you go through menopause, you’ll notice a few things—hot flashes and night sweats aside—namely, your libido will slowly wean. This is due to decreased hormone levels. The transition will leave you feeling at a loss in your partnership, mainly because your desire to engage in sexual activity is no longer what it used to be. This might cause friction in your relationship because it’ll might make you feel unfulfilled in the intimacy department.

The physical effects of falling estrogen levels undermines sexual motivation for many reasons, but one main, and painful reason, is vaginal dryness. Although the lack of lubrication is not directly related to menopause, the age-related decrease in testosterone can have an impact on a woman’s desire to get physical because the idea of potential pain is what lingers in her future. If it doesn’t feel good, then you’ll obviously opt to abstain.

That’s when a quick O-Shot therapy or diVa Laser Vaginal Renewal treatment is well worth the investment: sex in your post-menopause can be more fun than you imagined! (think: no more worries about getting pregnant, no more kids at home interrupting the fun, and you’re finally primed and know exactly what you like!)

Proper hormone management can set things straight and get you right back into the game. No more menses to make a mess of things… you’re a treatment away from remembering how great sex can be without that painful sensation of chaffing skin rubbing you to a jolting halt. Whether it’s lubricants or a non-invasive procedure, Elna Sexual Wellness can help walk you through your options and open up a whole new world of post-menopausal sex!

Call or email today for more information.

 

Lori.

Erectile Dysfunction from a Woman’s Point of View

For most couples, sexual intimacy can be a vital part of a romantic relationship. So what happens when a man is starting to experience a breakdown on the erection front? Dealing with the plethora of issues that he might be experiencing—from physical to emotional—your man might seek medical attention to help him with the wide range of issues he might be dealing with so that he may restore proper function. But, what about the woman? How does erectile dysfunction affect her?

The distress of not being able to stay in control compounded by the embarrassment he might feel in not being able to perform will definitely take a toll your relationship no matter which way you slice it. The physical and emotional intimacy that sex provides is not to be taken for granted, so if your man is struggling with his erection, lend a hand (metaphorically speaking) and get that conversation going.

What is erectile dysfunction?

Erectile dysfunction is basically the inability to become erect or sustain an erection long enough for sex. This health concern affects the woman involved as her sex life is being shifted off course, and while the dysfunction is happening in someone else’s body, the symptoms are trickling into her life as well.

How can you help your man?

As the woman on the other end of erectile dysfunction, it is important to get your man to talk about it. Having an open discussion about your sex life will establish trust and open the lines of communication. A lot of the time, the man won’t want to broach the topic on his own, so you might have to take the initiative and get that conversation going. If you find you’ve tried, but to no avail, or you don’t feel comfortable bringing it up unmediated, then try seeking the counsel of a sex therapist. A sex therapist will try to hone in on the source of the issue and find active ways, as well as potential treatments, that are fitting for the case at hand.

It’s not just physical

Most of the time, when it comes to erectile dysfunction, there is a combination of both physical and emotional issues blocking the natural flow of things. In most instances, physical and psychological issues work in tandem, because even if the issue is solely physical, it isn’t long before the man starts to anticipate his inability to perform, and then like a self-fulfilling prophecy, the erection is impossible to achieve or maintain. The connection between the mind and body is certainly there, and when it comes to sexual malfunction, a holistic approach is the most effective way to treat the problem.

Perhaps your man would be more likely to meet with a doctor to learn about all of the available treatments out there. If he hasn’t sought medical advice on his own, then take your sex life into your own hands and book that appointment for the two of you. The support of a partner can see positive effects that will trickle into the relationship. Knowing he can lean on you for help, trust you to help him take action, and feel like you are in this together, are all simple advantages to taking your partner’s health concerns seriously and helping him get the medical attention he most likely needs.

Dr. Steinberg

The Pleasure in Sex

For centuries upon centuries, and even to make it a little less abstract, up until less than 30 years ago, sex education in North America was funnelled down to a talk about reproduction, and safety. By and large, the conversation went something like “these are your body parts, this is how to avoid unwanted pregnancy, and this is so and so STD.” Conversation over. That about brings us up to date on sex talks in schools, in the homes, and in conversation amongst friends. But, one very important aspect of sex talk has been left out and it is finally taking its place centre stage: Pleasure.

How can you and your partner have a better sexual experience?

According to Peggy Orenstein, author of many works discussing the discrepancy between a man and woman’s sexuality, being able to articulate your needs to your partner is one of the fundamental ways to have enjoyable sexual experiences. Pleasure-seeking sex is something that has long been shamed or stigmatized, especially for women whose sexual openness would be labelled as something other than normal. But attitudes are changing and with that, so is the conversation.

Speaking up and letting your partner know what you like and need is becoming more and more common in practice and here is one reason why: learning more about your body and all of its parts allows you to better articulate what feels good and where. Another reason is that people are becoming more candid in their conversations and focusing more on mutual trust, connection, and affection, rather than the prior framework of risks and dangers. Of course there is the fundamental mutual responsibility to practice safe sex, and that is still something that should be largely discussed, but once that conversation has been exhausted, there should be one chapter (if not a few) on sexual intimacy, pleasure, desire, arousal, and enjoyment.

“How do you measure your pleasure?” is one thought-provoking question to get the conversation going. What is good sex? What is bad sex? How do you know that you enjoyed (or are enjoying) a sexual experience? In her TED Talks, Orenstein touches on a slew of questions that seem so basic, but are in fact so far removed from the conversation. It’s important, as a sexually active person, to take the time to think about what you enjoy and what the parameters are that make sex fun and pleasurable for you. Communicating that with your partner is the next step to make sure that you can explore your new findings.

Being able to have an intimate talk with your partner about what you like and what you dislike can help your relationship grow and will hopefully create a space for you to enjoy your relationship even more. Sarah McLelland, psychologist, researcher and professor, explains that there is such a thing called “intimate justice” and it’s about who is entitled to engage in enjoyable sex… the short answer? You are.

Want to learn more about sexual wellness or just need someone to talk to about your sexual health? We are a phone call (or email) away and we are always ready to talk.

 

Dr. Steinberg