You may have heard of things like the pay gap or age gap, but what you might not have heard of is a little thing called the Orgasm Gap.
Let’s rewind a few decades, way back to the 1960s when the sexual revolution was at its core. The idea of sex being a taboo topic was being challenged in hopes of celebrating the act as a part of normal life. Talking about sex and liberating it from it from the repressive state it was in for so long was quite the feat for the 60s. So much changed for women because of the fight they put up. Take contraception for example, that’s a notion that is so common in this day and age, it’s crazy to think that at one point it was against the law. But, despite the road that was paved by our foremothers, one major inequality remains to this day: equal pleasure.
Today, sexual education is part of school curriculums as early as Kindergarten. Children are taught about their reproductive organs and the mechanics of sex. But, what about the pleasure aspect of it all? By not describing potential sensations, encouraging self-exploration, and being given the tools to speak to your partner about intimate issues, then sex is not an act people engage in for fun, rather it becomes something more results-oriented. See where we’re going with this? Here’s the thing, as long as pleasure is left out of the conversation, then sex is being misrepresented as being an act exclusive to reproduction. You know what that means?
Think about it. Go through the motions in your head. If sex is for reproduction, then who is the one who orgasms? That’s right. The man. Well, there you have it. The Orgasm Gap.
The Orgasm Gap refers to men having more orgasms than women in heterosexual encounters (yes, heterosexual, because funny enough, in lesbian sexual encounters, the gap is not quite so big). Culturally, the importance of women “finishing” or feeling pleasure is considered less important than a man reaching the finish line. But why?
A lot of factors play key roles in why a woman’s pleasure is less sought after than a man’s:
- Sex for reproduction
- Feeling self-conscious
- Lack of communication between partners
- Insufficient clitoral stimulation
- Not feeling entitled to feeling pleasure
When referring to sexual intercourse, we immediately connect the idea to penetrative sex. However, most women do not reach climax through penetration. Mislabeling clitoral stimulation as “foreplay” is part of the problem, because as long as we think of a woman’s orgasm as the pre-act, the less likely the woman will ever reach an orgasm. Very few women are able to reach orgasm through penetration, unlike what is represented in the media. Most women can achieve orgasm through masturbation, but again, this can make a woman feel uncomfortable during the act… to reach down and take care of herself evokes a take-charge kind of woman. But it shouldn’t.
In the wake of #MeToo, women of 2019 are picking up where our 60s sisters left off. The Orgasm Gap is just one more challenge to take on. A reflection of today’s woman, roaring, empowered, justice-seeking, the Orgasm Gap is going to be squeezed tight.
Equal pay? Working on it.
#BelieveWomen? We do.
Eternal search for the missing orgasm… On our way!